“Whatever happened to that Michael A. Grant fellow?”

“He used to do stuff.”

“You never hear from him any more, do you?”

“Does he even go here?”

These are just some of the things that you may be talking about if you are one of the naysayers! Well guess what? The joke’s on you, because for many weeks now I have been hard at work on a very special and top-secret project. That project’s name is ‘Mongolian Death Worm: A Puppet Show Musical’, and today I thought I would offer you a little glimpse behind the scenes at some of the orchestrations I’ve been labouring over for this new artistic sensation.
 

I’m glad you asked (but please don’t call me Dickens). Several months ago my personal cheesecake supplier James Ure and I decided we wanted to write a musical. Ever democratic, we came up with 11 possible titles and surveyed a select group of friends and acquaintances to determine their favourite. The winner (beating such competition as ‘The Tale of the Dog Food Taster’ and ‘Lacksaducksical’) was ‘Mongolian Death Worm: A Puppet Show Musical’, with the tagline ‘You’ve got worms – and this time they’re deadly!’. And that’s what got me where I am today.

Loosely inspired by real events – O.K., very loosely – this musical tells the story of Professor Roy Chapman Andrews, who is dispatched one day to the depths of Mongolia by his university, which buys all its catering supplies from there and is suffering the effects of a series of meat thefts in the area. On arriving, Andrews discovers a village terrorised by a mysterious giant worm that has been stealing sausages, disrupting the local economy and occasionally eating people. He teams up with the Gobi Desert’s number one yodelling sheriff, and together they must devise a series of increasingly implausible schemes in order to catch the worm and bring him (her? it?) to justice.

Did I mention the word ‘loosely’?
 

I’m glad you asked (but please don’t call me a devil – if anything that’s ruder than Dickens). In general terms, orchestration involves taking a sketch or outline of a piece of music and using that to generate a fuller version, for a larger ensemble, with a complete set of parts for multiple instruments to play. In more abstract terms, it’s akin to taking a black and white or outline image, and colouring it in (maybe moving a few things around in the process). It is very similar to the art of musical ‘arranging’ – in fact, the two terms are both fairly ambiguous and often used interchangeably. The reason I’ve opted for ‘orchestration’ in this case is because it is more explicitly musical, whereas ‘arranging’ could be referring to anything from flowers to dinner plans. Plus, ‘orchestration’ just sounds so much grander.

In the specific case of ‘Mongolian Death Worm’, my starting point was the sketches of 8 songs that James and I have written. These consisted of a set of lyrics, a chord progression, a general melody, and an overall structure. My task was to take them and expand them into versions that could be played – and more importantly, recorded – by a 5-piece band.

The reason we have opted for 5 musicians is largely one of practicality. Whilst I would love to hear this music played by a full symphony orchestra, the more instruments you employ the longer it takes to orchestrate it, find musicians, record it, mix it and master it. In short, it can quickly end up becoming impractical. With 5 players you can still achieve a wide range of sounds, and it is an interesting challenge to try and make such a small ensemble sound much bigger than it actually is. On a more artistic note, a quirky musical like this might well benefit from the small size of the band – with too many musicians it could lose the intimate, off-the-wall eccentricity that is to important to its style.

James and I have chosen our instrumentation, in part, to allow us to record as much as possible ourselves. It is as follows:
 

• Reeds: I have some little experience in playing woodwind instruments of various kinds, and we have taken advantage of that here. At the time of writing, the show makes use of piccolo, flute, clarinet, bass clarinet, alto saxophone, tenor saxophone and (of all things) jaw harp.
• Keyboard: Neither of us class ourselves as pianists, so we have had to force someone else to record this part for us. It would have been difficult to achieve a really full sound without the supreme versatility of this instrument. I have used a number of different keyboard sounds, ranging from electric piano to celeste to chamber organ.
• Drum kit: Neither of us play this either, but it’s really a necessity for many of the pop/rock-based songs in particular.
• Ukulele/banjolele: Both of us can play these, and they largely serve to fill out the harmony, leaving other instruments free to add further interesting layers.
• Tuba/bass guitar: This is James’ part, and covers the all-important bass line along with occasional more melodic sections.

Note that, wherever possible, we have included multiple instruments on the same part for players to swap between. This is a common trick in musical theatre, as it allows the orchestrator to extract an extremely wide range of sounds from a small group of players. Of course, as the music is intended for recording rather than live performance, we could have layered up even more instruments to create a much bigger ‘virtual band’. I have avoided doing this because it would add more work to the recording process in particular, and I think it would sound artificial to indulge too much in such technological wizardry. Thus you will not hear more than one tuba at once, or a choir of multitracked piccolos (thank heavens). Everything you do hear will be replicable by a live 5-piece band, should the occasion ever arise.*

If I may quote the musical itself, ‘”How long did all this take?” I hear you ask.’ Well, I aimed to orchestrate one song every two days on average. I consider that a reasonable rate of progress. Perhaps I could have got it done quicker, but I’m a very busy man and had other important matters to attend to such as tea drinking, sitting, and watching paint dry. But anyway, to answer your question, the whole lot took about two-and-a-half weeks.
 

Now for the interesting bit! Below you will find some exclusive, never-before-heard clips from Mongolian Death Worm, highlighting the bits of orchestration that I am particularly proud of. Note that I have been deliberately vague regarding lyrics, plot, and in some cases titles, so as to avoid dropping any of the dreaded ‘spoilers’. Also bear in mind that the recordings I’ve included are mere computerised mock-ups, and a pale imitation of how the finished tracks will eventually sound!

The Ballad of the Mongolian Death Worm
As the title suggests, this song is loosely inspired by ‘The Ballad of Sweeney Todd’, combined with hints of ‘Spider Pig’ (from The Simpsons Movie end credits), with a corny pop ballad in the middle for a bit of light relief. I’ve used the frankly terrifying sounds of piccolo, bass clarinet, harpsichord, banjolele and tuba to give a sort of cartoonish horror feel.

One of the challenges of orchestration is writing parts that are well-suited to each individual instrument. Fore example, a series of notes that is very easy to play on one instrument may be virtually impossible to play on another. In that vein, I am rather pleased with a sequence of harpsichord quintuplets I have devised towards the end of this piece. They may sound elaborate, but they should be reasonably straightforward to play because all the performer has to do is place his hand over the required notes and press them in sequence, almost like drumming his fingers on a table:
 

 
 
World Without Sand
The second song of the show is a kind of protest song expanding on a character’s hatred of sand. I do enjoy assembling these kinds of slightly naff pop pastiches, ticking off clichés along the way. Specifically, I had fun coming up with a mildly irritating saxophone solo to accompany the character’s rousing motivational speech:
 

 

 
 
Steakout
As the name implies, this one is about subterfuge, espionage and generally sneaking around. It alternates between subtle 1960s-style ‘spy’ music, and less subtle raucous yodeling (for reasons that will become apparent when you hear it). To capture the former style I’ve used the classic combination of bass, hi-hat and low flute – if I owned an alto flute, it would have been ideal for this. To capture the latter, I’ve brought in the additional forces of honky-tonk piano and (of all things) jaw harp.
 

 
 
One thing I’ve learnt from this project is that there are several different styles of yodeling, originating from the various regions where the art is practised. I’ve opted here for an American/country/cowboy variety, injected with a substantial dose of caffeine!

Say Hello To Yellow
Without wanting to give too much away, this is essentially a ‘list’ song naming all sorts of yellow things. I’ve tried to build up the excitement over its duration by gradually adding layers to the texture, as well as increasing the tempo. I’m especially fond of these ‘stops’ and the subsequent broadening section, that help lead up to the final few lines:
 

 
 
The Trap
This is a very short song, detailing yet another of Andrews’ and Sheriff’s plots to capture the worm. It has for some reason taken on a slightly Celtic vibe on account of the ‘open 5th’ chords that permeate the harmony. It also contains another example of well-suited instrumental writing, as the following ukulele part can easily be played by barring and plucking the top two strings:
 

 
 
Every Hero Needs A Villain
Songs are a bit like children, in that you are not supposed to choose a favourite. Mine and James’ favourite happens to be this one, which alternates sections of big band swing with Klezmer-inspired verses. To get that authentic-ish Klezmer style, we have included some long dramatic accelerandi and employed an instrumentation of clarinet, banjolele, tuba and tambourine:
 

 
 
Untitled Worm Song
Occurring towards the climax of the show, Untitled Worm Song covers a number of plot points through several disparate musical styles. One of my proudest achievements in orchestrating this show is having used not one but two instruments that don’t appear in the vast collection of 562 listed in Musescore (my music notation software). The first was (of all things) the jaw harp (see ‘Steakout’), and the second is the calliope, which I have used to comedic effect to highlight a comical section towards the beginning of this song:
 

 
 
I am also rather pleased with my ‘suspense chord’ that underscores the dramatic finale to the song. When I devised this I wasn’t in the mood for making creative decisions, so I found a random number generator and used it to choose the notes of the chord. Who says computers can’t write music?

 
 
Finale
As you can probably guess, this is the musical’s final song, and like ‘Untitled Worm Song’ it switches abruptly between a number of contrasting styles. My favourite moment is this transition from a wild gospel section (using Hammond organ, tambourine, saxophone etc.) into a gentle rock section, which ultimately draws the song – and show – to a close. Yet again, I’ve enjoyed putting in some cheesy little fills and motifs (see piano, right hand).
 

 
 
Concluding Remarks
So there we have it! I hope you’ve enjoyed this little glimpse into the dark and unsettling world that is my brain, and are now massively hyped for what will surely be the next big thing to take the world by storm. Keep a beady eye on this blog for occasional updates on the progress of the project, and maybe even some more behind-the-scenes features should I feel so inspired.

But for now, good night. And don’t let the Mongolian Death Worm bite!

* Hint hint, Cameron Mackintosh!